Cliche Warm-Greeting

Cliche Warm-Greeting,

So there we were on Wednesday, my companion and I just walking down the stairs (456 times now if you were wondering, a slow week with only 56) and then all of the sudden he stops on the landing and turns to me and says "It's probably because you don't push enough air out of your nose." I literally had no idea what he was talking about so I asked him and he said "Oh, you just have a really nasally voice and it's probably because you don't send enough air through your nose when you talk." As you can imagine I was bewildered by this statement and I found myself at a complete loss for words. I have not thought of swearing much at the CTM but this was a time that warranted it. Anyway, I of course just said "thank you" and the answer seemed to satisfy him and we went back to our previous conversation. Let's just say the whole situation would have been a little different had we not been in a dedicated building...

On other news I learned how to say "Alysha is the worst" in Portuguese this week. An unbelievably useful statement. "Alysha é o pior." Highlight of my week. Of course you could substitute Ben's name into the statement as well if you so desire.

So we got new Brazilian roommates this week and at the beginning of the week I truly thought they hated us. First off, they disrupted the "Little America" thing we had going in our room, the only place that truly felt American, and then they come in...with their souls all cold and what not. But they actually turned out to be really cool and I talked with one of them till late last night. They were probably just nervous because of the guard towers and the dogs that patrol the halls at night and the doors locking automatically at 10:30 and the bars on the windows and the rules and the teachers that always have something to criticize no matter how well you think you did on something and the near-brawls that break out in 'the yard' and stuff like that. Just kidding...only some of those are true.

I have been asked by several people about the weather and the food here. The food is actually pretty good. Rice, beans, chicken and beef are pretty much all we eat. They are prepared in different ways obviously but those are usually the basics. Sometimes we get potatoes and yesterday we actually had a pleasant treat. It was a shish-ka-bob (literally no idea how to spell that) with straight-up alternating fried hot dog with fried cheese. Unbelievably delicious. The more you feel like an untamed man while eating the better the food usually is.

The weather is SO nice. My first weeks here is a was pretty warm...like low 90's. But the last few weeks have been amazing. Usually in the high 70's to low 80's with some cloud cover. Today we explored the city (we didn't go to the temple today to the enjoyment of our district because the temple takes up over half the p-day. So we were just reading in our rooms and doing laundry and stuff since 6:30 this morning until 9:30 when we came out here and started exploring). The mission handbook has set out a boundary for us around the CTM that we can't go outside of. It's pretty big though and in all our weeks here we have not had the time to go explore it because of the temple but this week we had time so this morning we went and explored a bit, it's really cool. We just passed this store that literally was about 2 feet wide at the entrance and 20 feet into the building. It was tiny. They should have sold midget clothing or something but they were selling stuffed animals. I guess they realize only children want them so they should make it a children size store. The area is pretty cool though.

Oh yeah Dad I forgot to wish you a happy birthday...so HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I was just remembering the story from last year when I was calling our insurance company posing as you and they asked me what "my" (your) birthday was and I totally couldn't remember. Then in the most heart-wrenching coincidence in the world it happened to actually be your birthday that day! So I called you up like an idiot and was like "Dad I totally forgot your birthday and I am sorry but I need to know in order to tell the insurance guy!" Then you just laughed at me and reminded me that it was actually on that day. Man I felt like an idiot. Just thought I would remind you how stupid your little son is and that with that small amount of brain power he has to live on his own in the fifth largest city in the world for the next two years. Confidence builder!

Oh yeah Mom/Dad I just got your package on Sunday. SWEET! Literally. I was so excited when I opened it. Thank you so much. I saw how much it cost to spend dad...yeah definitely a flat rate package next time. Thank you though I really appreciate it and the midget picture was priceless. The guys in my district were so confused when they saw those pictures of the midget and Samuel L. Jackson.

Well it was kind of a boring/hard week. We had 2 Portuguese milestones (lessons that you have to teach your instructor at the end of each week). Elder Blackham and I taught the Portuguese Lesson 1 (Restoration) - Full (30-45 min, we go for 30) and we also taught Portuguese Lesson 2 (Plan of Salvation) - Medium (15 min). Then we had TRC on Saturday where we taught a real volunteer Brazilian family lesson 1...busy week. It's hard and annoying to prepare the lessons, especially in Portuguese, but that's what we will be doing for two years so we better just start now.

Last week was boring and during boring times is when the good quotes start coming. Here are some of them:

Some Elder: "I think the bus ride to São Paulo Temple is about 30 min."
Elder Perry: "No it's about 45 min. I think you are still measuring time pounds."

Elder Perry: "There is not enough riddelin in the world for this district."

Me: (Talking to the Elder who threw up on the bus and all over his clothes) "Why didn't you change your pants after you got vomit all over them?"
Elder who threw up: "All my other pants were dirty." (WHAT?)

Elder Perry: "We were having such and unproductive class until Elder Parsons mentioned necrophilia...then I just wanted to study the gospel."

Elder Korth: "A woman outside the kitchen is a danger to herself and those around her."

Elder Perry: "My guilt for not doing anything this week has reached an all-time high."

Elder Perry: "We only started killing the Indians when they stopped accepting beads as payment."

Elder Windley: (While in the classroom) "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention."
Elder Perry: "How can you not pay attention! We are in a 12x5 room!"

Anyway, that's all I can think of telling you. Please keep writing. Thank you everyone that has wrote me. Thank you for the letters Laura Buchanan and Jenny and Trevor. Tell Connor I loved his picture. I love you all.

-Elder Brent Parsons